a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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