You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
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