Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
