I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
