Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
