:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize