Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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