For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
