that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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