He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
