dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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