do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
