do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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