I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
