12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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