I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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