I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
