I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
We're too hungover to prance.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
