Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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