thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
