I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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