wakey wakey hands off snakey
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
