I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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