Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You've changed since you got that strap on
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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