My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
