I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize