Define "chronic" masturbator.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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