How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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