??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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