he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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