That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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