Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I have aggressive nipples.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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