i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
