He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
