escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
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I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
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Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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