did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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