i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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