dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
