True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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