dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
