By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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