Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
