Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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