so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
