Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
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He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
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Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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