I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
There's even glitter on my cock...
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