brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
