literally had 100 drinks last night.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
