ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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