the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
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