my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
And then the night went full on bisexual.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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