i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
