oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
