i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
