Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
