dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
