fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
