then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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