My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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