whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
