My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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