i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I believe in your delicious
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
A+ Viking dick
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
