dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
