i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
