Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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