I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I want you more than these girls want KFC
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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