Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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