OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
