Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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