I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
