so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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