$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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