After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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