a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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