I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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