i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
