I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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