We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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