I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
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