omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
People in love make me want to vomit
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
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So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
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I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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