I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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