shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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