He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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