Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
